Where to start? Hubby and the kids have just left for the playground and I finally have some quiet time to myself. We had a lovely few days away - catching up with old friends, taking advantage of grandparents to look after the kids, and generally just relaxing. There were two things missing though - one, I wasn't able to write, and two, space. I had forgotten just how important both are to me. Given that I can't have Therapist on speed dial, writing is what gives me perspective. It gives me time to check in with myself, see how I'm doing, and try and make sense of anything that may be bothering me. Take today. So far it's been busy, following on from a very disrupted night (at least 5 midnight wanderings before I caved and let madam get into bed with me, and when she finally settled, the alarm started beeping that it needs new batteries. Not a restful night). Being just back from a few days away, the house was completely devoid of food. Shopping trip with one tired mam, and two tired kids. Then home, where kids found themselves completely in shock at not having multiple people on hand to dance attendance on their every whim - cue tantrums from M, and giving out from D. Overall, I find myself taking a lot of deep breaths and am aware that I'm quite likely to snap if pushed.
But right now, the house is mercifully quiet. There's a mountain of housework I could be doing, but I'm not going to. I'm tired, and I'm going to look after myself. Hubby is tired, and when he comes back, I'll take over with the kids so he can have a time out. We all need some space and quiet time now to regroup, kids as well. So that's what today is about. As for how I'm doing? I'm ok. I don't feel quite right, I'm pretty anxious, but I suspect a lot of that has to do with the above mentioned lack of headspace and perspective. I need to slow down again.
Labels: anxiety, family, perspective, tiredness