I know I'm posting a lot at the moment, feel free not to read! But I need to. I'm in a strange frame of mind, and it really helps to just write and get it out there. If I'm really lucky, I might even be able to calm myself down, or pick myself up, or do whatever it is I might need on any given day. Or at any given moment on any given day because my mood seems to swing so much at the moment.
Take today. For the most part, I'm fine. I got up ok despite a rubbish night's sleep (4am tantrum from my gorgeous girl plus multiple wanderings from them both), on top of an equally rubbish night's sleep the night before. I was all over the place yesterday, but managed to figure out why and calmed down accordingly. So far today, work hasn't been busy but I'm kept ticking over. I had a lovely coffee break, I met Hubby for a walk by the river and had a nice chat. Here's where it's strange. As long as I'm occupied, either doing something that demands my full attention, or with other people, I'm grand. I can chat and laugh with the best of them, no bother at all. But as soon as it's just me, with nothing specific to occupy my mind - BOOM. Noisy head.
That's me, right there. And of course it isn't thoughts about fluffy kittens and butterflies. It's straight over to the dark side. Angst, stress, meds, Therapist, what I'm doing wrong, what I need to do better, where I could be trying harder etc etc etc. You get the picture. And sometimes there's no coherent thought. It's just literally noise. Does this happen to anyone else? I honestly don't know if this is part of depression, or just something else I need to get a handle on. I'd be really interested to know if it happens to you though, and what you do to manage it.
Labels: angst, blogging, Medication, mood, sleep, stress
