I am married to a wonderful man. He's kind, considerate, infinitely patient, extremely long-suffering - the list is endless. I could go on but you get where I'm coming from! So why am I writing this? Because over the last few weeks we've been doing a lot of talking, and I've been doing a lot of thinking. It's easy to forget that my depression has had a huge impact on him, and that he is an incredibly strong person (some might say stubborn!!) to have stood by me through the last few years, and in particular the last 18 months.
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When things get bad for me, as I think is quite common for people with depression, I tend to strike out at him first. I'm generally not aware that I'm doing it, because quite often it takes me a while to even figure out that there's something up. Gradually a distance will grow between us. I become very closed off, defensive, and completely over sensitive to perceived criticism (perception is everything in this). I get irritable, and short tempered. I can't even begin to imagine how much work it has taken for him to:
- recognise that it's not personal
- know that it's not his fault
- stay
Above all else, he has stayed. Depressed people are hard work!!! I know that I have taken him for granted in the past, and even leaving depression to one side, I think it's human nature to sometimes forget how lucky we are. So I'm writing this today because I'm so very, very grateful to him, for everything that he has done for me - knowing whether I need a hug or to be left alone. Knowing that sometimes lighting a fire will make me the happiest girl in the world. Surprise creme eggs. Turning on the electric blanket before I get into bed even though it makes him too hot. More hugs. Support. Acceptance. Listening. Staying.
Labels: acceptance, compassion, Hubby, impact on partner, listening, perception, relationship, understanding