So far, tapering has gone great, and the last two days antidepressant free have been fantastic. I've had energy, more focus and no nasty withdrawal symptoms. Ok, Wednesday, which was my first day entirely without them I was pretty giddy, but I'd take that over brain zaps any day.
Today is a little different. I slept well after going for a run and even doing some yoga when I got back. I was in good form. I woke in good form - For the first time in weeks I actually woke feeling refreshed (usually I have incredibly frantic dreams that leave me feeling exhausted when I wake). I came in, I had a productive morning. But then, in literally the space of a few minutes, I could feel something shift, dramatically. I don't know how to describe it. I want to be alone. I most definitely don't want to talk to anyone. I'm a touch dizzy. There may be brain zaps in the post. So this is where I need to kick up a gear and do whatever I can to make sure it doesn't get any worse, ideally by doing the exact opposite of what it is I actually want to do. I have plans to meet a friend for lunch. I want to cancel, but I won't. Tomorrow is a big day, it's D's birthday party. Nothing, nothing, is allowed to get in the way of it. So when I get home, I'll stay focused. The house needs a quick once over, well the parts visiting Mammies are likely to see anyway. Cake needs to be made. Party bags done up. Hubby isn't feeling great, he'll need to get to bed early. I will not let this get hold of me. This isn't a slip, it's my brain re-balancing itself and getting used to functioning without medication. I need to remember that, and just go easy. It will be ok. I will be ok.
|Note to self|
.................aaaand, back from lunch. Shaky as FECK. Not good. Not good at all. On the plus side I was able to recognise that I was in danger of losing it as we sat over lunch, and suggested a walk instead (added bonus, she's a therapist and knows me well so took it all in her stride). We walked. Chatted a bit. I kept it together, just. This is the tough part, but I'm working hard to remember that, and it will pass. I've enough to keep me busy for the afternoon, and once I get home, I need to figure out how to make the requested transformer cake for tomorrow which should keep me plenty distracted. One minute at a time, right??
Labels: emotion, focus, kindness, Medication, mood, tapering