It's been almost a week since I last posted, which I think is possibly the longest I've ever gone between posts. I've missed it, but, I haven't felt as much of a need to write either. I definitely need it more when I'm struggling, or when there's a change going on that I'm trying to get my head around. So, while I've missed it, it's good that I've been able to get through this time relatively intact. In fact, things are going really well, probably as well as they have done in months, if not years, for a variety of reasons.
The biggest reason is that I've just started working half time again. This is huge. Today is officially my first day as a half timer, and I almost skipped out of the office at 1pm (having even managed to clock up some overtime!!). I can't quite get my head around it. Making this even better is the fact that I've only got two weeks left before 7 weeks off, so today almost feels like the start of my holidays. As I write this, this is my view:
The biggest issue that I'm actually facing right now (and I'm grateful to be at the point of getting worked up about something less serious) is whether or not to continue with Therapist, or take a break for a while. I mentioned in my last post about how confusing I find the therapeutic relationship, and this is something I have to talk to her about today. The last few days haven't been so difficult, but towards the end of last week I was really struggling with the need to contact her. Today, I feel so good that going in for a session seems pointless. I need to find a middle road somewhere, somewhere between desperately needing her and not wanting to speak to her at all. I'm not looking forward to having this conversation again. I know it's the process, rather than her personally that I need, but it's incredibly difficult to separate the two, and I have her on an impossibly high pedestal. I'm constantly comparing myself to an imagined version of her, and constantly coming up wanting. This isn't helpful. So, I need to talk about it again. Again. And I need to make a decision, one way or the other. Maybe just take a break while I'm doing DBT? I'll keep you posted.
|Kids are still in creche as I've to go see Therapist soon so the house is blissfully quiet|
Labels: decisions, mood, therapist, well being