I've just landed in my folks' house after one very long drive across the country. The kids have disappeared with Grandad, and I'm stealing a couple of hours to catch up with the blog. I've really missed it the last few weeks - I rarely get the time to write during the day, and by the time the kids are in bed (which is getting later and later as the summer progresses) I'd rather sit down with Hubby or go for a walk than break out the laptop. Part of that is because I'm tired, part of it because I feel like Hubby and I are passing each other like ships in the night at the moment and I want to make time for him, but probably the biggest part is that I feel guilty if I start working when I could be spending time with him, or with the kids (yes, I need to work on that). It's a tricky one.
Something else that's come about as a result of the extreme lack of me time I have at the moment is that mails and comments have gone unanswered for far longer than I would like, and I'm now at the stage that it's weighing heavily on me. I hope that anyone who has contacted me is aware that my time is at a premium, and that my lack of response isn't because I didn't want to hear from them, but rather than I haven't had the time to sit down and give a response the time it deserves. So, if you're reading this and wondering why I haven't gotten back to you - that's why! It honestly, 100% isn't personal or because I didn't appreciate your mail. I just have not had the time. I also have a couple of pieces of work that I promised I'd do that I have yet to complete, and alongside all the unanswered mail/comments they are really on my mind. This next few days are mostly about having a bit of fun with my kids and my family, but I'm hoping I can also use them as an opportunity to catch up on all of this, and take some of the pressure off.
It does leave me wondering how to manage the blog going forward. I'm back to work in two weeks, so time will be more precious than ever. I never wanted to feel under pressure to write, this has always been an outlet for me. I think it's less that I feel pressure to write, and more that I've forgotten how to make the time for myself, or more to the point, feel guilty when I take that time. Therapist is gone now for the next month, so it's really important for me to use every avenue available to me to keep myself well while she's gone. This will be the longest I've been without her support since last year, and the first time in three years that she hasn't left me any emergency contact numbers. So far, I'm fine, although it has only been four days. I've promised her that I will run while she's gone, and that I'll keep taking my meds exactly as I should. I've also promised that I'll keep writing, and try not to feel guilty about taking this time, because it's not an indulgence, it's time that I need.
So I'll try. Yesterday I needed this:
So I made the time, and I got it. The next few days I need time. This blog is incredibly important to me, and everyone who is involved in any way, be that reading, commenting, or mailing me privately, has been of huge support. I don't want to lose that. I can't afford to lose that. So I'm going to ask for help. I'm going to ask for time.
|Coral Strand, Carraroe, Co. Galway|
Labels: blogging, family, holidays, pressure, support