Under pressure

My life has gotten a little bit hectic the last few weeks. Blog mail has backed up, there are a bunch of messages on facebook I haven't had time to reply to. Work has been CRAZY busy, I'm just about caught up with myself following on from the discovery of my epic cockup. There's home stuff - you know, kids, money, the usual. Then on top of that, I decided to go ahead and not only launch a mental health campaign at work, but while I was at it, set up a society to back up the campaign as well. On my own time, as it's not part of my job. But I can't be at work outside of work hours because I've to be home for the kids. So I'm squeezing it in either at coffee time (haven't actually taken a break in weeks) or in the car on the way to work in the morning. I'm wired. There are lists running around my head constantly, I'm thinking of everything that needs doing before the alarm has finished ringing in the morning. It's the last thing I think of at night. I'm scared I've taken on too much, but I can't back out of it now. I don't want to, not really, but at the same time, I'm worried I'm not up to it. I reduced my work hours to relieve some of the pressure I was feeling, and have somehow managed to create an even bigger level of pressure for myself. Granted, it's a different kind of pressure, because it's something that gives me incredible energy, but it is coming at a cost. My mind is constantly elsewhere, no matter what I'm doing, I'm two, three steps ahead, all the time. It's exhausting. I haven't walked my dogs in weeks. Despite my best efforts at self bribery (don't know how many of you saw my tattoo/reward jar) I haven't yet managed to do any yoga. I could do it in the evenings once the kids are settled, but to be honest, at that stage all I want to do is melt into a glass of wine and switch my brain off.

Today, I escaped for 5 minutes because there was a stunning sunset and I needed to be by water, so I took myself off to the lake. For literally 5 minutes, in between hoovering and dishing up the dinner. All I could hear was the water lapping off the pier, and the birds. Nothing else. It was amazing, and blissful and wonderful and far, far too short lived. I need more of that.

No filter, no photoshop, honest. Just the west in all its beautiful glory.

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