I think it's quite likely I'm a touch depressed right now. Things are challenging. Not impossible, but certainly challenging. There are certain ways that I'm behaving that are raising red flags, but although I can see them, the effort required to do something about them seems a little beyond me. Apparently articulating this in a way that makes sense is also a little beyond me. I'm in a really 'couldn't be arsed' frame of mind, one that usually results in (as Hubby puts it) me wandering around the house leaving a trail of chaos behind me - I start something, get distracted half way through and move on to something else, leaving the first job half done. Same happens with what distracted me and I move on to something else. I've been doing the virtual equivalent of sitting and staring at the wall for hours on end - sitting and staring at the interweb without really doing anything. I've bits I could be doing for Please Talk and the green ribbon. I've lots for doing with the blog. God knows there's plenty I could be doing around the house. The kids are both under the weather so getting out isn't really an option, which definitely doesn't help, and as Hubby isn't here, (trying to go for) a run isn't possible either. If the kids weren't here today, I would probably spend most of the day staring at a screen of some form. I haven't seen Therapist for weeks now and I miss her, badly. But what would I say if I saw her? Probably nothing, because when I feel like this articulating my thoughts properly, as you may have gathered by now, is pretty much beyond me. I don't much want to talk to anyone. I went out to meet a few friends Saturday night, lasted 40 minutes, made my excuses and came home, I just couldn't engage. And I'm tired. Really, really tired. Too tired considering how little I've been doing lately, and how early I've been getting to bed.
I'm frustrated as hell. I could be baking. I could be taking advantage of the fact that the kids aren't feeling great to have a guilt free jammie/movie day. I could be giving my house a badly needed once over. Instead? I'm taking online depression tests to prove what I already know.
Labels: challenges, depression, flags, frustration, functioning, therapist, tiredness