I'm me again

I had an appointment in the hospital today. I fully expected to see Dr. Joe Anybody having seen my consultant the last time, so was very pleasantly surprised to see her again today. Like last time, she was very much on the ball. My biggest concern right now is how I'm going to manage the upcoming 6 week gap while Therapist is on leave. Her response? No problem. I'll get the psychologist to see you for those 6 weeks. 

Mind. Blown
I didn't have to fight my corner. I didn't walk away feeling frustrated, misunderstood, insignificant, unsupported and generally like I had spent the time banging my head off a brick wall. I felt like I was heard, and more importantly, understood. The lump in my throat is still there, the anxiety, guilt, relentless worrying, it's all still there. But there's such relief in knowing I'm not going to be left unsupported and trying to manage through circumstances that anyone would find difficult on my own. As for the guilt over my kids? LET HUBBY BE THE PARENT HE WANTS TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And allow myself to acknowledge that it's ok to take time for me, it's ok not to be 100% with the kids, in fact, that would be really bad for all of us. The anxiety? Thinking about it constantly won't change it. Distract myself out of it if I can.

There's no comparison today with how I felt yesterday. Yesterday I felt utterly overwhelmed and out of control. Today I feel like me again, bloody tired, but me. I realise it could, and quite likely will, flip back again just as quickly, but right now I'm really happy with where I'm at. 

So, so tired, look like poo, but still standing :-)

Labels: , , ,